Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just threw up on my dentist
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
