Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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