what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
this hospital has no fireball
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
