Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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