I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize