I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
