I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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