Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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