i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
