I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize