No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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