it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
