nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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