Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
