so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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