I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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