you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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