can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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