Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
