Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
