just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
