You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
