i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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