Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
