One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
