can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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