some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
