i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
