uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
