Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
