Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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