When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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