i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
