i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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