That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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