i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize