Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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