is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
