Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
