Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
