And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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