nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
