either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I CAN MOONWALK!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
