Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
