I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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