I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
