So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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