wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
