I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
