dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize