either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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