my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My dick has a subreddit
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
