i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
