I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
