I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
