A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize