I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
