Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
