no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
