you have to choose: penises or morals?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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