i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You need a sexual gate keeper
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
