Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize