I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
