I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
