Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
