I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
