I have demons in me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
