When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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