just come out here and I will go home with you...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
