He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
