just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
