Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
