don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
