lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
