i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
