Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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