well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
