I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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