Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize