wrigley field is MILF paradise
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
